- My admin can type really fast, so we don’t need to hire a writer.
- I have a great idea for a book based on my life growing up as a middle child in an average family. Will you write it for me?
- I just got fired, so instead of looking for a new job, I’m going to write a novel to make a lot of money. Who should I send it to when I’m ready to get it published?
- I just read a book that sounds exactly like what you’re writing.
- I’m 14, and my agent just sold my first novel to Random House for seven figures.
- I hate reading and I haven’t read a book since high school. But I just wrote a 200,000-word novel. Want to read it?
- One hundred thousand books are published every month now. Seriously.
- Studies show that having huge numbers of social media followers doesn’t actually translate into book sales. But since we eliminated most of our marketing budget for mid-list authors like you and we don’t know any better ways to market books anymore, we’re still going to pass on your novel unless you have at least 500,000 followers.
- I love, love, love everything about your manuscript, but I don’t love it enough to commit to it as your agent/publisher.
- I’m sorry, but your hard drive is unrecoverable and your online backup system failed three months ago.
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